Impending Fate (incomplete draft)
by takeyourside
Summary: Post 5x15 fic! A night that leads to lifelong complications for Donna and Harvey! - I'm struggling to write but I'm so proud of what I've written of this. I want to share it because of that. It's incomplete and I hope I'll finish it, writing is just a very distant concept for me these days. I posted the first chapters a while ago but them plus more are compiled here.


_A/N: Hello all. I've been working on this fic for a long time, planning and writing it. I'm proud of all I've written so far but I currently don't feel like I can go on with it. I've been struggling to find the confidence and motivation to write anything really, and struggling with having my work out there for people to scrutinise (because as soon as any website offers anonymity, people take advantage and say mean things). _

_But I am proud of what I've written so far and I would like to continue writing it. So, I'm posting it on here as an incomplete work (the first 2 chapters that had been posted at the start of the year but I deleted and an drafts for C3 onwards) in the hope I can't back away from something as easily if it's out here but also not having the pressure of feeling like I must update it asap._

_At the moment, there are multiple reasons I'm not continuing it. Fears its too similar to other fics and people will get annoyed, fears it'll be torn apart in a review. People being unkind has somewhat ruined fic writing for me but I do hope it'll change. _

_Anyway, I hope you like what's here. Let me know if you do! If you read all of that then thanks but it's no obligation; I just feel I owe an explanation for this little mess haha! _

* * *

Impending Fate

**Chapter 1: To Have and Never Hold**

"Then you can march yourself down to Gibbs' office in the morning and turn yourself in," she stated bluntly, blinking away the tears that had gathered in her eyes, which looked desperately up at him, silently begging for his surrender to self-belief. He couldn't look at her, eyes drifting from hers, finding himself in an impossible situation.

"But I don't want you to do that," she told him and she really was now trying her best to stop a tear from making its escape and collide with her cheek, leaving its salty taste against her lips and running off of her clenched jaw.

"Why not?" He asked with a lump in his throat that made his voice quiver. His hanging head and voice loaded with shame told her all she needed to know. He was hurting, riddled with guilt and blame for the mess Pearson Specter Litt found itself in. Yet, it wasn't on him—not as far as she was concerned, anyway. Mike chose to commit fraud, boy, Jessica and herself chose to enable it, let it go on. There was no blame-free party among the people he was most worried about.

"I don't want to lose you," she all but whispered, eye twitching as she struggled to stay composed. She watched his forehead crease, awaited his response with bated breath. She was holding onto the hope he'd make some similar declaration, desperately anticipating his words. She found herself disheartened when he pushed himself away from the chair, a dropping feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Harvey, wait." It was a plea, almost a beg, surprising herself and him when her hand collided with his wrist. Her fingers grazed his skin, looping around, sending a shiver down her own arm as well as his. "I need you," she admitted quietly, strained voice and glimmering eyes.

This wasn't how her day was going to end. She wasn't supposed to end up here, clutching onto her lifeline through a weak grip and yearning eyes.

"Need?" His eyes began to rise, a steady trail from her hand on his wrist to her own eyes. They were big and hazel, finding himself drowning in them. His breathing grew heavier, his senses under attack as the room grew warmer, head feeling close to explosion. His eyes scanned hers, searching for her answer, impatience growing and growing.

"Need." Her response was barely audible but it didn't matter, any further words drowned out by his lips on hers. His hand met her cheek, pushing her hair backwards, his other latching onto the wrist connected to his, slipping backwards and allowing their palms to meet. Their fingers intertwined, linking in a moment of completion as he continued to devour her.

The scotch on their lips and tongues heightened their senses. It was _theirs_. Their drink, their moment, their time. Her fingers pressed into his shoulder, holding herself down, grounding herself.

She sighed when he pulled away, not wanting the separation, pining after his taste and his touch.

"Donna," he muttered, breath mingling with hers as it escaped her parted, swollen lips. "Your rule," he continued, thumb brushing the back of her hand. She closed her eyes, shaking her head firmly, opening them again to find his.

"No rules, not now. Just," she tightened her grip on his shoulder and gently squeezed his hand before, "you."

That was all it took, Harvey's arm hooking around her waist to pull her closer. It slipped under her jumper, her soft skin beneath his fingertips causing his hairs to stand on end. Hers too, his passionate touch fuelling the fire in her belly.

Her fingers found his lapels, using them to push his jacket ferociously over his shoulders. He shrugged it off to help her, pulling her waist against his centre once again as he shed the item of clothing.

They parted again, inhaling each other's scents before Harvey began to step backwards, hand finding hers once more. She knew where it was going, taking the lead as she guided him out of her living room, sneaking through the doorway and pulling him through to her bedroom.

He found the light switch with his shoulder, the dimmer already on low, and she pulled back to roll her eyes.

"Some things never change," she chuckled out quietly, fingers loosening the buttons on his shirt, his own finding the bra clasp on her back.

"Can you blame me?" He smirked back, relieving her of her jumper and letting her lacy underwear slip down her arms, falling from her body.

She felt every inch of her body ignite under his touch over and over, hot breath tickling her neck, her collarbone, lips colliding with her bare skin. A trail of kisses eliciting a moan and a sigh, Harvey smiling into her.

Beads of sweat already formed, their bodies stickier with each collision of skin on skin, lips on lips, hands meeting hands between them. It wasn't like The Other Time. Well, not really.

The desperate grabbing, clinging, tugging remained, echoed a time they'd both been itching to forget—sometimes, anyway. Yet, there was more. Palms touching, fingers latching, creating constellations on each other's bodies.

It was messy but in tune, their rhythms deeply resonating, synchronised energy fusing at last to ignite explosions within. He was her everything and she was his and, finally, he felt he could hold onto her for an eternity. So, he did. Hooking his arms around her when his mind collided with stars, feeling both himself and Donna relax in his grasp, keeping her close, feeling her chest rise and fall on top of his.

"I meant it," she uttered out finally and her breath tickled his chest. His hand was in her hair, fingers trailing the red locks splayed over her back. "You can't go." She shifted her hand, brushing against his sheen-covered skin, not daring to look at his face to hide the fear in her eyes. She could feel the pricking of tears, not wanting to break, not _now_, not after _that_.

"You said you needed me," he whispered, other hand falling onto hers atop his chest.

"I did," she confirmed, "and I do."

His thumb glided over her knuckles, treasuring holding her.

"Please, Harvey, have faith in yourself." There was an urgency in her voice, a _need_. "Like I have faith in you." It was a whisper and it took him back, in spite of what they just did.

He wasn't sure what to say, searching for words that seemed impossible to find. What do you say to the person who means the most to you, when all you can find are the words to upset them? To hurt and disappoint them? Words that will shatter their belief in you?

"I'm sorry, I have to." He said it quietly but surely not too quiet for her to hear. He stroked her back, whispered a 'hey', but didn't get a response. Her metered, heavy breathing telling him all he needed to know. She hadn't heard.

The redhead had drifted into a much-needed slumber, finding comfort in the man she'd craved for 12 years. He smirked a sad smile because he knew it couldn't last, that she couldn't really be his in the morning. It hurt him and he knew it'd hurt her, those thoughts busying his mind and preventing his own sleep.

He realised he must've finally dozed off when he found his eyes creeping open, tangled in Donna's long limbs but no longer covered by her. Legs wrapped around each other, her arm lying over his abs, his hand securing it there. The sheet was halfway down their bodies, loosely trapping them. The morning sun crept through her curtains, a soft glow filling the room and reflecting off of her body, illuminating her hair. He found himself gazing at her, breathing in her beauty as he contemplated his choices, knowing what he was going to do already.

Gently, he lifted her arm from his body. His eyes followed the path of freckles down it as he placed it against the mattress with a sigh, running his hand over his face and through his hair.

He got dressed quietly, a feeling of guilt sinking in as he crept around her room. He glanced back at her when his hand collided with the door, holding the edge of it to steady himself. He swallowed the difficult lump to swallow, eyes drifting away before he followed them out, grabbing his suit jacket before leaving her apartment.

The closing of the front door echoed through her home, waking her with a start. She felt her heart sink at the realisation of the emptiness of her bed. She let her face fall into the pillow, finding herself engulfed by the scent of him.

It hit her quickly, the realisation of where he'd most likely gone, what he probably intended to do. A stab in the heart, twisting the knife in just to add to the pain. A nausea overtook her as she searched around her for her phone, realising it was in her sitting room and she hurried out of her bed, pulling her robe around her to fight off the cool air that pricked her porcelain skin.

She let the call ring through, unsurprised when it went to his voicemail. She exhaled a shaky breath before darting back to her room, getting dressed, last night's jeans and a black, chunky-knit jumper.

She spent the taxi ride trying to steady her shaking hands, drilling her fingers into her palms as they rested in her lap. She was gnawing on her bottom lip, wishing for time to pass more quickly, feeling like it was slowing with every second that passed; every moment dragged on longer, trapping her in her fears.

When she arrived, she scurried out of the taxi, hands buried in her coat pockets, one clutching her phone inside it. Just in case. Just in case he returned her call.

Donna was expelling erratic breaths as she navigated her way through the corridors, running a few steps to catch the lift, straightening her coat once she had stepped inside and pressed one of the glowing buttons.

"Harvey!" She exclaimed when she saw him, leaving an office, closing the door labelled 'Anita Gibbs' behind him. His face was the picture of surprise, a deer caught in the hazel headlights ahead of him. "What did you do?"

"Harvey, what did you do?" Her voice rising an octave, fear etched into her face. His eyes avoided hers and she watched his jaw clench, feeling her stomach do a flip in anxious anticipation.

"What I had to," he muttered and she felt her eyes widen, breath catching in her throat while the walls started to close in. "2 years." He expelled a heavy breath, finally allowing his eyes to fall on her face, watching it contort in shock, her bottom lip dropping open and doe-eyes staring back at him.

"No," she breathed out while shaking her head. "Why would you do that?" She asked, voice cracking and certain her heart was physically breaking, a pain both familiar and completely new all in one. Losing him had never felt so real, so tangible, so close.

When he failed to answer, she was turning on her heel, striding back towards the elevator. He followed, feet moving of their own accord but he found himself stopping his tracks when her met the threshold of the elevator. She stared back at him while pressing the button, her face resigned and hurting. He wanted to charge forward and say something but he seemed frozen, unable to form or find the words.

He was sick of it, frankly, his inability to communicate with her repeatedly holding them back. He didn't know how to fix it. She would, she's Donna, except it was their relationship he was fucking up this time. He thought he ought to have figured it out by now, taken on her help and advice, and learned to help himself with it but here he was, standing alone and watching the doors close on the person he so longed for.

The doors couldn't have taken longer to close as far as she was concerned, her façade becoming more difficult to uphold with every second that passed. She remained stone-faced until he disappeared completely out of sight, taking a deep breath in as soon as she could and trying to bat away her tears but all it led to was the tears suddenly falling against her skin.

She immediately brushed her cheeks with the backs of her hands, sniffing, licking the salty taste off of her lips right in time for the doors to open, prepared to step out with her head held high and remain that way until she got home.

It wasn't an easy feat but she managed it. Forcing a smile when she got into the taxi and providing a happy-sounding thanks plus tip when she left.

She slammed her front door shut and found herself resuming her march, frustration and anger taking the place of her sadness during her journey. It was a bubbling feeling, sitting in the pit of stomach and resonating up through her chest.

Except she ground to a sudden halt, spotting the glasses left over from the night before, the amber liquid sitting untouched. Their amber liquid. Her vision began to blur, fingers tracing the rim of his tumbler and she became overwhelmed by the feeling of her heart sinking.

When her fingertips found her lips, securing a sob and trying to stop herself from falling apart, she wasn't entirely sure why. There was nobody else around, nobody to hide her feelings from, yet it was an impulse that she couldn't defy. Perhaps to prevent herself completely crumbling, knowing that allowing herself to succumb only slightly could lead to an unstoppable reaction.

So, she took a deep breath—one that was shaking and nearly painful, determined not to fall apart all because of the man she'd tried so hard not to let upset her. The last time, she distanced herself from him, opening a chasm of pain for them both but knowing she'd have hurt so much more had she let it simmer on. No matter how much Donna hated the mess that came after forbidden '_I love you_'s and the closing of doors, she had an ounce of control in protecting herself and managing the situation.

This time was different. She wasn't pushing him away… he was slipping away; falling out of her grasp and nothing she could do would stop it.

It wasn't just Donna; Harvey felt it too. Tapping the side of his tumbler after sinking into his couch, a cocktail of sadness, frustration and utter loss of control. Doubting his decision, unsure whether he really knew what he was doing and whether it was the best at all. He was so sure it had been, that the only way to save everybody else was to take the fall. Yet, having seen Donna's face—a look mirroring the one he'd seen on that night of wine, food and goodbyes not so many moons ago—everything he thought he knew seemed to be wrong. He thought he knew that he was doing the right thing, that it was best for everybody, but he wasn't sold anymore.

He didn't want to take back the night before, and yet, something told him he did. That it would've been easier. That if they'd held back, refrained from falling just a little too far into each other's eyes, this would feel so much easier. The hardest part was knowing he was finally ready, more ready to give her his all than ever before, but having to risk it all to save his world from falling to dust at his feet.

He tried convincing himself he was saving her from a fate far worse. A guilty verdict could land her head on the chopping block. Others', too, but landing Donna in trouble again was a burden too heavy for his shoulders to bare.

And maybe she would wait. Maybe she would still want more and maybe he could allow her to wait, allow her to give up 2 years of her own life while she hung around for him. Though that thought was paining him so he took another swing of his drink.

It wasn't something he did regularly, if ever—drinking this early, drinking in the morning. It was all he could think of to soothe the growing headache, though.

The buzz of his phone made his heart skip a beat, hoping to see her name flash upon the screen. It was slightly deflating, seeing his protégé's name appear.

He swiped the message with a sigh, unlocking his phone to read:

_I've just seen Gibbs. What did you do?_

Harvey gritted his teeth and waited a few moments before replying, relenting because he knew he needed to tell him. He hastily began to type:

_2 years. She can't touch you, you're all safe. _

He pressed send, expecting a reply but, when nothing came, he left his seat and headed for a shower.

Turning the water on, the hot liquid spraying against his naked skin, he couldn't help his mind wander back to the night before. Images of her flooding his mind, hearing her moan his name and watching her close her eyes as she succumbed to ecstasy within his arms.

It wasn't unusual for his mind to find Donna when he craved release but, after the morning he'd had, something felt wrong now. He flicked the water to cold.

He checked his phone immediately after his shower, telling himself it was to see if Mike had texted but knowing it was to see if the woman who stole his heart 12 years before. He'd be lying if he said his heart didn't sink at the lack of notifications, his phone having only the time of 09:57 to show him.

It was merely a few minutes later, Harvey having begun to get dressed for the office, when a rapping at the door disturbed him. A glimmer of hope appeared once more and he'd never travelled so quickly to that door, swinging it open to see Mike instead, though.

"Not now," he sighed in resolution.

"Yes now, Harvey." Mike's tone was abrupt as he let himself inside, brushing past his boss and furthering into the apartment. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Mike-"

"You're going to prison for something you didn't do!" He was shouting, not helping Harvey's headache and the older man ran his hand through his hair.

"I did do it, Mike, and it's a done deal." Harvey returned and slotted a hand in his pocket.

"There's got to be some way to get out of it." Mike said, thinking aloud.

"There's not." He headed to a cupboard, pulling a glass out.

"What did Donna say?" Mike asked, knowing how to push his buttons, knowing in spite of all Harvey's protests, Donna meant more to him than anything or anybody else.

The question made Harvey freeze in his tracks; did he know? Had donna told Rachel already?

"You have told her, haven't you? You've just made her redundant," Mike pressed, which relieved Harvey slightly.

"Yeah, she knows." He replied bluntly, filling his glass with water before taking a sip.

"And?" Mike asked expectantly. Harvey looked at him blankly, a pretence of ignorance upon his face. "She's about to become unemployed and lose her-" he didn't finish, not sure what he wanted to say anyway; _boss, friend, everything? _"She must've had something to say."

Harvey shook his head, sipping his water once again before placing the glass down.

"Not much," he admitted, seeing her pained face in his mind once again.

"Have you told Jessica yet? Or Louis?" Mike shifted the subject, guiding the questions away from Donna and Harvey's complex relationship.

"Not yet. I was in the middle of getting ready for work when you appeared," Harvey informed him. "So, if you don't mind," he hinted and Mike got the message.

The younger man paused momentarily before leaving, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out his phone and pressing on his fiancé's name after pulling the door closed.

"Rachel," he said after a couple of rings. "You're not gonna believe this."

Impending Fate

**Chapter 2: It's Not Goodbye**

Donna was slumped into the couch, blanket draped over her legs which were curled beside her and her head was resting on the cushion behind her. The barely touched cup of coffee that she was clutching onto was cooling, lifting the mug to her lips seeming too much of a task when riddled with such sadness.

Next to her was her phone, riddled with uncertainty as to whether or not to message Harvey. She wanted to, kind of, but she didn't feel like she could. It was odd whenever she found herself feeling unsure like this; she was Donna, she was supposed to know.

Truthfully, she'd never experienced anything quite like this. The way he'd blindsided her after the other time had come as a shock but, frankly, nothing could be on this level. At least then she knew he wanted her. Now? Now she found herself spiralling into an abyss of questions to which she didn't know she'd ever hear the answer.

She was grateful to be disturbed by a knock on the door, resounding through her apartment and startling her. Getting up took effort, peeling the blanket off and standing up with as much grace as a child dragging a loaded cart up a hill.

She padded heavily through to her front door, dragging her limbs with the enthusiasm of a thirsty packhorse in a dry desert.

Slowly pulling the door open, she was met by the sympathetic face of her dear friend. Dark brown locks neatly curled and hanging over her shoulders, bouncing and shining and looking nothing like the unusually limp, red locks that fell over her knitwear. Her eyes lacked in sparkle, posture lacked in composure and Rachel noticed it immediately. This wasn't the Donna she knew, not the powerhouse who swayed her hips, while perfectly put together, into a room and commanded the entire space with everyone in it.

"Oh, come here," Rachel said softly, arms curling around her friend's shoulders and pulling her close. "If it was Mike…" she trailed off, hearing a sniffle from her friend and giving a gentle squeeze before releasing Donna from her grip.

Donna expelled a sigh, looking down with pursed lips and hooking her jumper over her thumb, she pressed it against the corners of her eyes to blot at the threatening tears that had welled there.

"I'm being ridiculous," she muttered. She wasn't, she knew she wasn't, but she didn't want to go down the route of spilling her heart out to Rachel. She didn't want to lie to her and wasn't quite ready to tell the full story, so batting it away was the easiest option Donna was faced with.

"You're not," Rachel returned immediately, hand gently and reassuringly resting on her friend's wrist.

"Anyway," Donna said with a smile. "Do you want to come in for a coffee?"

"I would but I should get back to the office soon," she said regrettably. Donna nodded.

"I should probably head in myself." She'd hardly thought about work, biting her lip as it began to dawn on her just how much her world was about to be turned on its head.

"Harvey's going in to tell Jessica and Louis," Rachel revealed and Donna's eyes shot up to her friend's. Of course, he was; now she'd heard it, it was obvious. "I can come in for a little, if you like," Rachel suggested, heart aching at the sight of Donna's deflation.

"I should probably get ready to go in myself," Donna muttered and Rachel gave a sympathetic smile.

"I'm here if you need anything," she told the redhead softly, hand resting gently on her friend's wrist.

.

Harvey's jaw was clenching hard, hands in tight fists within his pockets while watching the number increase quicker than he'd like. The tin walls of the elevator seemed closer than normal, the box feeling smaller, as though everything was closing in on him alongside his impending fate.

The ding of the 50th floor came sooner than he wanted and he inhaled a heavy breath before leaving the safe confines of the elevator. He knew Jessica would be mad, so goddamn mad that he wished he didn't have to tell her at all.

Pacing down the corridor, he soon approached her office, seeing both of his fellow name partners inside just as he'd requested. Their heads spun towards him when he entered, faces the picture of anticipation, awaiting his words after being summoned.

"I spoke to Gibbs," he began and saw Jessica's brows begin to furrow in concern, Louis looking clueless at the declaration. "I took a deal for 2 years-"

"Goddamn it, Harvey," Jessica spat in exasperation, breathing growing heavier with the annoyance she found herself succumbing to.

"Be thankful that now she can't touch you," he bit back, all the while Louis stood in a dazed state of shock.

"And you think everything'll be alright?" She snapped. "That a name partner being sentenced for fraud won't land this firm in shit?"

Harvey stood tight-lipped, listening to the angry words being thrown his way. He'd expected it because she was right, he was condemning the firm to unimaginable losses but it was a lose-lose situation that had trapped him and left him with a difficult decision to make.

"If I hadn't taken that deal, Mike would've," he retaliated and she scoffed.

"And now, not only am I gonna lose my firm, I'm losing two of my lawyers," she said, and there was a brief silence that followed. "Get out of my sight."

He left with a curt nod, silently slipping out of her office before the managing partner let out an exasperated sigh and crossed her arms against her chest. She turned to Louis, rolling her eyes at his mouth still agape, eyes wide and hands flayed by his side.

"Louis," she said to catch his attention, "close your mouth."

.

He heard her before he saw her, her heels clicking against the floor as she strode into his office, closing the door behind her.

"When did you get in?" He asked, looking up from his desk and placing his pen down.

"Just now," she replied, Harvey glancing to her desk to see her coat and bag strewn over her chair. "I think I have a way to get you out of this."

"How?" He asked, though he wasn't very interested and she could see it on his face, hear it in his tone. He was already resigned to his imprisonment.

"Liberty Rail," Donna said firmly.

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"If I take the fall for what I did, then Gibbs can charge them and she'll get two for the price of one." To Donna, it seemed a fail-safe plan. Not so much to Harvey.

"No."

He shut it down without a blink of an eye, Donna letting out an exasperated sigh at his refusal to let her help him.

"It can get you-"

"I don't care!" He interrupted, frustrated at her stubbornness, wishing it didn't match his.

"So, that's it, is it? You get me into bed then disappear for two years?" She didn't yell. Instead, she spoke quietly, resolutely, pained by the confusion and the fear of losing him; two incredibly foreign and frightening feelings that she didn't want to learn to live with.

"Don't you get it?" He asked, astounded. "I did this to save you."

He watched her face contort with confusion, brows furrowing and bottom lip dropping. Her skin growing paler in contrast to her burgundy dress.

"I put you in this position. If that verdict came back guilty, they would've come for us two next because we goddamn hired him," he stated, words tumbling out almost helplessly. His voice frail, close to wavering. "I'm not letting you go to prison when I did this to you."

"Harvey," she muttered, not entirely sure how she wanted to respond but needing to say something.

"I don't care if that makes you mad at me. If I had to choose a hundred times between you being mad at me for going to prison and you being thrown to the wolves for something I did, I'd choose going to prison every damn time."

_'__Because you can get over your anger for me, but I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you'_, he wanted to add but he didn't really know where the line now was and he didn't want to fuck it up any more than he might've already.

"I need to speak to Jessica," he said when she didn't reply. He wasn't mad, angry, upset, he just couldn't bear to see her looking at him with those eyes that were begging him to change his mind. He smiled before he silently slipped past her, Donna still taken aback by the revelation she'd heard.

She felt like she'd barely had time to breathe when Mike rushed in, a panicked look spread across his face that he regretted once she spun around and saw it.

"Mike what's wrong?" She asked, concern etching into her face.

"Nothing, Harvey just ignored me," he said in a fluster, only for Donna to tilt her head and give him the same old _'I'm Donna'_ look. "You might want to sit down."

"Why? What is it?" She asked abruptly, a fear invading her mind.

"I just spoke to the juror," he began. "The verdict was not guilty."

It came like a thief in the night, sneaking up on her and stealing that tiny amount of light left in her heart. A painful loss that shot through her with a force so blunt her chest felt winded, aching and yearning for the comfort of reversibility but condemned to a life restricted by difficult decisions already made.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he whispered and, if she didn't know any better, she could've sworn he knew what had happened merely hours before. Maybe it was just because they're Harvey and Donna, a team who'd faced so much together even when they were apart, and to be separated in such a capacity was something that even they'd never had to survive.

Her weak knees and wobbling legs carried her out of the office, giving up when she reached her desk chair. She sat down slowly, planting her hands into the desk to steady herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Mike leave Harvey's office and she was thankful for the space to find her breath, to gather her thoughts and to try her best not to fall apart on the spot.

She didn't stick around much longer, gathering her coat and bag and marching towards the elevator. She was biting down on the insides of her cheeks, holding her breath and remaining completely composed to avoid unwanted attention; she wanted to get home, get a glass of wine and crawl into bed to watch a movie.

Which is what she did when she got in. Pouring herself a large glass of wine and taking herself and her laptop to her bedroom, slipping under the sheets that still carried his scent, breathing him in. She gulped down a large mouthful of her drink, finding a romcom she didn't really care for and she rested her head against the headboard, where she stayed for a while and dwelled on the emptiness of her bed.

.

The pounding against her door surprised her, a relentless thudding echoing around her right up until she opened the door. She was pissed to see his face, wanting so desperately to distance herself from him and soften the blow as much as she could.

"What are you doing here Harvey?" She asked bluntly, cocking a brow and pursing her lips.

"I need to see you," he stated in response, weary eyes but a stubborn voice.

"Why?" She was agitated and hurting and knew he didn't mean any harm, but the fact remained that she _was_ hurting no matter what his intentions were.

"Because soon I won't be able to," he started, his desperate eyes scanning her own. Both lost and searching for answers they didn't know they'd find. "And the idea of living without you, not seeing you outside my office every morning, seems unbearable," he revealed, sighing heavily.

Her eyes showed a surprise, an uncertainty, confused and looking for assurance that what he was saying was what he truly meant. He nodded, with pursed lips and resigned eyes; resigned to her and their impossible future.

She stepped aside, giving him the space to walk inside, neither tearing their eyes away from each other for several moments; locking their shared gaze, falling into one another's souls until he cleared his throat and she closed the door.

"I was thinking," he said as they furthered into her apartment. "We could order some of that shitty Thai for old times' sake."

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're the only one who doesn't like it," she chuckled before it hit her this would be the last time that they'd have it together for… well, longer than she wanted to acknowledge.

She sighed when she dropped down onto the couch and Harvey felt the same, sinking down to sit beside her and running a hand through his hair.

"Everything's changing," he said quietly and she nodded, not that he was looking at her, both busy trying to wrap their heads around this new situation.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he said and she turned suddenly, looking at him in apprehension.

"Do you regret it?" she asked in a whisper and he met her gaze abruptly.

"I regret knowing what I was going to do and," he didn't finish his sentence because saying what had happened between them seemed difficult. He hadn't really come to terms with it, the heat of the moment had made him lose control and he'd succumbed to 12 years of want because he was being selfish.

"Nothing I said could've changed your mind, could it?" She asked and he gave her a weak smile that confirmed her suspicion, to which she nodded slightly and looked away.

There was a small pause in the conversation.

"If you could go back and change anything about when we hired Mike, would you? Would you undo it?" He asked.

"No," she replied immediately, no hesitation.

"Oh, so you're happy with me going to prison?" He asked with a smirk, to which she rolled her eyes but not without a smile creeping onto her face.

"You wouldn't be the person you are today if you hadn't had to protect Mike," she responded and he looked at her in a mix slight confusion and agreement. "He changed you for the better," she continued and he could feel the tug of a small smile at the corners of his mouth.

"How about I order that Thai and you can choose a movie to put on?" he suggested, avoiding the meaningful conversation they'd entered into, and she agreed—because she'd not eaten all day and her stomach was screaming for food—with an enthusiastic nod.

They got closer throughout the movie, Harvey's arm wrapped around Donna by the end, her snuggled against his chest; all barriers between them burnt down after the night before.

And they made love again that night, a dance of synchronised rhythms and a love that ran deeper than either one knew or recognised. Drifting off in the embrace of each other made them both feel at home and safe, a feeling of ease and knowing where they belonged.

They woke to the blaring noise of Donna's alarm, both groaning as she switched it off and settled upon his chest, breathing in tune with his.

"If things were different, we could take the day off," he grumbled, running a hand through her hair.

"I know," she muttered sadly. "I don't want to get up."

"Then we don't have to," he said and she didn't protest, neither feeling ready to leave each other's arms and face the day.

They both slipped back into unconsciousness before they finally got up. Harvey woke first, finding that she'd rolled over and off of him, a hand in the place of her head and he slowly grazed her knuckles with the tips of his fingers.

After she woke, he called Ray and returned home to get ready, the pair deciding that turning up together was a risk neither wanted to take. They didn't want gossip or wandering eyes, they had enough of that already.

They fell into their usual flow when Harvey turned up, throwing a playful smirk her way to which she blushed beneath her makeup, suddenly grateful she was wearing it.

Deep down, they both knew that the only way they could cope with the changes that had happened and those still to come were through working. It was all they knew, working alongside together being a comfort zone neither like to leave. Not that they didn't want to spend time with each other outside of the office—hell, they wanted to spend every waking moment together, unbeknownst to the other—but it was a territory that always came with complications. Even now. They still didn't know where they stood with each other, skirting around the emotional complexities and what could happen now everything would change again.

It was this that led to a tense and awkward conversation that night.

The confusion had been gnawing at Donna all day, Harvey too if he was to be honest. Not much had changed at work but, as they day progressed, Harvey became increasingly formal and it didn't feel like them.

"Harvey, what are we doing?" She asked after entering his office, the room lit by the soft, dim glow of his lamps. He looked confused, taken aback by the sudden question, not knowing where it had come from. "You come around, say you don't want to lose me, end up in my bed," she began and he sighed a heavy breath, not keen on talking about it. "But at work, it doesn't feel like we're even friends."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said dismissively and Donna found herself rolling her eyes, scoffing at the man who echoed a version of himself that she thought was in the past.

"If you aren't ready to have these conversations then what are we doing?" She asked tiresomely, feeling defeated by the shattering of a hope she should've known better than to hold.

"What are we doing?" He repeated in surprise, a hurt crashing into him.

"I can't believe…" she hung her head in her hands momentarily, pushing them through her curled, fiery locks and biting her bottom lip. "I should go," she whispered, turning to leave.

"Donna," he said and she returned to face him, eagerly awaiting his response. "See you tomorrow."

.

Trudging into work the next morning wasn't easy for Harvey or Donna, both dumbfounded and aching for the strange conversation—if they could even really call it that—they'd had the night before.

Harvey was kicking himself, his lack of words and openness damning him to a night alone and it stung. He wished he could've told her what he'd wanted to but words escaped him. There was a fear that etched into his mind at some point in the day, probably around lunch when he was hit by a worry that coursed through every inch of him.

He stopped at her desk, clearing his throat to get her to take notice of him. They both knew that he knew she'd already noticed him but her frustrations were ruling her mind.

"Can I have a word?" He asked and she shrugged, raising her brows momentarily. "In my office," he said and she sighed as she stood, following him through the glass door and closing it behind her; something told her this would be a closed-door conversation.

He took a deep breath which Donna struggled to remain patient after, but the fact he was trying meant she couldn't find it in her to leave.

"Mitchell," he said after some silence and suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks.

"We broke up a while ago," she replied softly and she watched his face relax, softening at the revelation he'd heard. "You didn't do anything wrong, Harvey," she told him and he nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said before taking a deep breath, "for not telling you yesterday."

"Are you feeling okay?" she said with a smirk, Harvey tilting his head in seriousness. "It's fine," she smiled, eyes flicking to the floor.

"What is it?" he asked and she bit her lip in dread before she replied.

"Today's…" she couldn't get the words out but he knew, her mind trying to salvage a diversion. "I'll be redundant tomorrow," she chuckled but it was pained and unnatural, doing nothing but bring home the hard truth they both wanted to forget.

"Let's go," he stated and watched her face change in shock. "I don't want to spend today _here_, in the office."

"You should call Marcus," she suggested in self-defence, "or Mike."

"Or you," he said firmly. "And I don't wanna have serious conversations, or worry about maybes, I just want to be with you."

She could feel a smile grow, one she was trying to suppress, stop it growing too much. She pondered on the conversations she knew he was hinting at, anything that would bring up her concern from the day before about readiness or things she let herself believe. She knew it would only leave a bitter taste in her mouth tomorrow, unanswered questions that she would spend hours dwelling on because they were about him, but realised that those answers weren't coming her way today. She could spend time with Harvey or spend time alone, pushing each other away when they didn't have the time to, and Donna knew which she preferred.

"C'mon, Ray's downstairs," he told her and went to leave but her stillness and curious eyes stopped him. "What?"

"How'd you know I'd go with you?" She asked, cocking a brow.

"I didn't, I just hoped you would," he confessed and she could've sworn her heart skipped an actual beat.

They spent their day the same way they'd spent their nights, tangled in each other's arms, keeping each other close under his sheets. Vanilla coffee and a shared shower, burgers delivered by Harvey's favourite diner.

When Ray picked them up, they sat in the back of his car, hands clinging onto one another's in the space between them. Their holds were tight, attempting to reassure and comfort each other. They were engulfed in a silence that was neither uncomfortable nor upsetting, instead it felt like one last moment of serenity before the storm would destroy everything.

The journey didn't take long enough. Donna had hoped for major traffic delays, works on the roads or just busyness, but it was a smooth ride without anything to prolong it.

They both got out slowly and she walked around the car to stand beside them, both their eyes fixed on the large building ahead of them. Wire fences surrounded it, guards nearby and the grey walls were not surprisingly uninviting.

"I guess this is goodbye then," he said quietly, voice threatening to waver and breath feeling caught in his throat. He turned his face to her first, letting his body follow, feeling wrecked by the big, doe-eyes in front of him that screamed with sadness.

"It's not goodbye, just see you soon."

It was a whisper through a fragile voice, close to breaking but holding on by a fine thread. Shaking hands and sad eyes that glistened, eyelashes batting the salty liquid away.

Harvey put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her forehead as she nuzzled against him, still determined not to let herself submit to the tears.

And before she knew it, they'd let go of each other and he was gone.

Ray drove Donna home, the car falling into a painful silence that made the reality even more real. She sat in the same seat as on the way up, now desperately missing Harvey, wanting more than anything to reach out and grasp his hand, to hold on and never let go.

She slammed the door shut when she got in, leaning against it and dragging her hands over her face. She thought it should've hit her by now, the reality of it, but instead it felt like she was still waiting for it to happen.

* * *

Impending Fate

**Chapter 3**

"Donna," Mike called after his knocking received no response. "Donna, please, let me in," he continued, wanting to check that she was okay after one of the biggest losses he could imagine her facing. He and Rachel had bickered over who would go around but, given Rachel still actually worked at Pearson Specter Litt and he was no longer a licensed attorney, it made sense that she headed in to help Jessica and Louis while he checked in on their friend.

"Donna, I'll get Rachel to bring her spare key––"

He was cut off by the door opening, revealing a puffy-eyed Donna whose hair was slightly dishevelled. She was wearing an oversized tee and yoga pants, with a chunky cardigan that she pulled around her, crossing her arms to hug it against her.

"Give me a chance," Donna said quietly, the request coming out slightly more seriously than anticipated. "I have a headache and was trying to get some rest," she admitted, though he wasn't sure how true the headache part was.

"Sorry," Mike murmured and she shook her head in dismissal, forcing a smile. "Do you mind if I…" he trailed off and she realised he was awaiting an invitation, opening the door for him to go in.

"Do you want a drink?" she asked, following him into her apartment. "I don't have any beer but I do have copious amounts of wine and…" she trailed off when she opened the kitchen cupboard door, bottle of Macallan staring straight back at her and she felt like a little piece of her had been taken away. Drinking scotch seemed to be off the cards now that he wasn't there, though she still wasn't sure whether Harvey's absence had struck her yet.

"And scotch," she continued, trying to compose herself.

"Scotch would be great," he smiled, taking a seat at her table.

Donna returned to Mike with a tumbler, amber liquid swirling around as she passed it to him, sitting in the chair beside him and sipping on her wine.

"So, we're both jobless now, huh?" He joked and she tried to chuckle but it sounded more like a pained groan.

"What are you gonna do?" She asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I don't know," he mumbled, looking into his glass. "WWHD?" He smirked.

"What would Harvey do?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

They were interrupted by the buzz of Mike's phone atop the table.

"It's Rachel," he said, picking it up to read the message and Donna watched the young man sigh.

"If you need to go..." she began and Mike shook his head.

"She thinks I should join them at the firm, she said no one's left but…"

"We should go," she replies immediately, suddenly sitting up straighter, a spark somewhat appearing in her eyes.

"You don't have to." Mike said, not sure she should and not wanting her to rush in.

"I know… but I want to," she told him with an assuring nod. She wanted to get out, to do something, help her friends and ignore that pain she knew would hit her like a truck, realising that feeling of impending doom was just delaying the inevitable realisation that everything has changed forever.

["Where is everyone?" Donna asked, entering Jessica's office.]

[Donna goes to contact other secretaries

Mike and Rachel scene where they talk about Donna and Harvey adjusting to life without each other, Rachel goes to find Donna and check she's okay but she isn't at her desk]

Rachel stopped in the doorway of the file room, spotting Donna sat at the table, lost in her thoughts.

"Hey, you okay?" The brunette asked tenderly. "You only just got here, are we all driving you mad already?" She chuckled, walking into the room and towards Donna.

"Me? I'm fine, just… thinking," Donna said, her response lackluster as she flashed a forced smile Rachel's way.

"About Harvey?" Rachel asked cautiously, taking a seat in the chair opposite Donna who nodded sadly.

"I couldn't work out why it hadn't hit me…" Donna trailed off, eyes set upon her manicured nails while she twiddled her fingers. "But being here without Harvey, I think it finally did," she continued with a brittle voice.

"It's strange without him here," Rachel said softly, unable to even imagine how her friend felt but hesitant to ask. Donna and Harvey's relationship was complicated to say the least and she knew that pressing Donna on the matter wouldn't necessarily lead to any answers.

"I slept with him," Donna said abruptly. She wasn't sure why, she hadn't even wanted to tell Rachel but the words tumbled out of their own accord, her mouth running at a speed that her brain couldn't keep up with. It felt good to get out, like a weight lifted off her shoulders but she found herself shocked hearing it said aloud.

Rachel's face was a picture. Her mouth gaping, eyes wides, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips which she couldn't quite form. A mischievous glimmer lit up her eyes and a juvenile excitement overtook her.

Yet, in spite of her own glee, Rachel could see Donna wasn't reciprocating it like she should've been. This was _big_. One of the biggest things that could ever happen, maybe _the _biggest, but Donna was too upset by him going to prison to celebrate.

"This is big," Rachel said aloud, mouth moving mindlessly and mind going into overdrive/

"We slept together and now he's gone," Donna said, the sadness that resonated in the space around them as she spoke catching her friend's attention, breaking Rachel from her attempts at processing the information.

"Donna━"

"I asked him to stay," she began, eyes wandering to the side and blindly staring at some files. "He went anyway," she whispered with a tight throat, her eyes beginning to water.

"I don't know what to say," Rachel replied softly,

"I don't even know what I want you to say," Donna told her quietly, heavy eyed and down in the mouth.

"You know," Rachel began, catching Donna's attention, the redhead's eyes finding their way back to her friend's. "This is probably the biggest thing that could've happened," she continued and Donna felt her brows furrow.

"You don't know what to say so that's what you come up with?" She asked in surprise, Rachel stumbling over an answer. Donna found a small smirk gracing her lips that elicited a grin from her friend.

"I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel, Donna," she said before wetting her lips. "But I do know that this isn't it. That Mike and Jessica won't let this be it, that things can only get better even though it feels like everything you have is crashing and burning."

"Oh, here you both are!" Louis exclaimed, charging into the file room. "We have a slight problem," he revealed, gritting his teeth.

"What's happened?" Rachel asked in concern, straightening in her seat.

"Benjamin just said we're being hacked," Louis confessed to the pair, whose mouths dropped open in shock and worry. "You might wanna come see," he continued, the two standing up and heading towards their colleague.

"Donna," Louis said, stopping her in her tracks. "I don't know if you've thought much about your job going forward and I know Jessica mentioned being a floating temp but, I wanted you to know, you're always welcome and wanted at my desk."

His words touched her, embracing a small smile and feeling a prickle behind her eyes.

"Thank you, Louis."

.

Donna's plans to see Harvey didn't quite go to plan. She was told that only family could visit and, well, she wasn't technically family. So, she looked into the officer and discovered a mutual friend—kind of—who owed Donna a favour and she worked her magic on the woman, convincing the officer to let her see Harvey.

It was pointless, though. Harvey wouldn't approve the visitation. Every time she applied, he refused to see her. She told Mike to ask him to call her but it never came, no matter how many times Donna eagerly refreshed her phone over those next few weeks.

.

There was a strange sense of shame pooling within, grappling at her throat as she scanned the shelves in front of her. There were _so many_. It seemed ridiculous that there were so many; surely, they all did the same job? She picked up a blue box, a simple two-lines-and-you're-pregnant test—because she couldn't be, she was _just checking_, so what was the point in splashing out on a fancy digital model. The box had three inside, which she figured would be enough.

She felt unusually self-conscious walking to the checkout, scanning the cashier's face when paying, stuffing the boxes into her handbag before hurrying out of the store to get back into Ray's car. It was always odd, getting in Ray's car. He was Harvey's driver and Harvey wouldn't see her, making her feel uncomfortable even if lending her Ray was Harvey's own idea.

* * *

_Moments for Impending Fate_

1\. Chapter ?

"I know that I hurt you," she said with an audible lump in her throat, Harvey caught off guard by her glassy eyes. "I didn't mean to and I didn't want to, and if I could go back in time and change it then I would," she confessed, biting her lip before she continued hesitantly. "But Harvey, I did try, I promise I tried."

"I know," he mumbled in response and it took her aback, the acknowledgement she'd been waiting for. "I'm sorry I didn't read your letter," he said and she felt the traces of a smile grace her lips. She knew she'd done wrong, that she shouldn't have given up, but she felt it was the only option she had at the time and those impossible decisions were painfully difficult to say the least.

They both stood quietly for a few moments, teary-eyed and grateful the bridge was starting to be built, the ache in their yearning hearts finally able to start lessening.

She turned to leave with a nod, flashing him a brief smile before turning on her heel.

"Donna," he said and she stopped in her tracks, clutching the handles of her bag a little tighter and closer to her bump. She turned, his silence a cue that he wouldn't continue until she had. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

His question confused her slightly, her brain hazier than pre-pregnancy, a matter they would both have to adapt to.

"Did you mean it when you said you missed working for me?" He asked and she nodded in an instant, remembering his brash response to her statement.

"I did… and I do," she told him assuredly. She watched him swallow, trying to gauge his reaction but he was looking down and, without seeing his face, her skills in reading him weren't what they used to be—whether that be because of the baby brain or because she was so overwhelmed with confusion over _them_.

"If it's what you want, you can come back," he said looking up and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She wet her lips before replying.

"Is that what you want?" She asked cautiously.

"It is," he said quietly with a slight nod, the smallest of tugs at the corner of his mouth. She nodded too.

"Goodnight, Harvey," she said bittersweetly.

"Goodnight, Donna," and with that she left. Neither wanting to turn away from the other but feeling a foreign feeling of peace because things were finally heading in the right direction. Not back to normal, though whether that would be possible after certain events, neither was sure. But slowly getting back on track, whatever this new relationship would become.


End file.
